Archive for April, 2007

invest yourself truly – withdraw when needed

Sunday, April 29th, 2007

It’s been a good week. The big mess I had I have managed to clean up in the best possible way. Had a good lesson of what I am and what I want (or don’t want). The most important thing is that I was okay with myself first and then with all the people around me. And today I have noticed that it’s been a very long time since I have laughed so much and so honestly as I did this week. :-)

So having all the disturbing things closed I am about to start my vacation. I had no time to read any of the guidebook I got. Fortunately Sandra will take care of me when I get off the plane. We will meet in the airport restaurant called Freedom. No kidding! :-) And this is another thing I am very happy about: when we had seen each other for the last time 3 years ago, I’ve told her: this is not goodbye – this is just see you later, cause for sure we will meet each other again. And now it seems like I have kept the promise. Still can’t imagine that so soon I will be so far away.

and if I bring a little music I can fit right in

Sunday, April 22nd, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen!

I have an announcement to make. Attention, cause this is big.

You know they say that a journey starts with the first step. Forget about it. This is bullshit. A journey starts when it gets a codename.

After the spectacular success of Operation What’s Underneath (Turkey, 2004) and Operation Camel Kebab (Iran 2005), I am pleased to announce the codename of my next trip.

So, the codename of the 2007 trip to Mexico is: Caribbean Gay Cruise!

My old bones need some sunshine. And my brain needs some tequila.

back in time

Friday, April 20th, 2007

Body contact every 0,2 seconds. Another level of “crowded”. Chicks with everything written down on their faces and in their moves. Not really sure what they want, but they pretending to know what they want. Best parties – Thursday night. Students only. If you are not a student you have to pay… 5 złotys… (1,2 euro)… Cool. This is the place where people don’t wear masks. Too young and too innocent to pretend. And the 2 old boys with nothing but good intentions. Koliba, baby. Have fun.


Wednesday, April 18th, 2007

Pictures from exactly one month ago. My last weekend in Brussels. Carnaval in Belgium. In the middle of the night gins start marching in their wooden shoes. Behind them a drummer and another guy with a flute. this night is not a one to sleep. First people are joining. You cannot just start waking with them – you have to be from this community or know somebody. They enter houses on the way. They drink champagne and go to another house. They dance in front. Then enter and drink champagne. Cause this is not a night to sleep. This is the night to spread the magic.

This was a magical night which ended up with a big fight among 3 friends with a lot of fuck-offs and go-to-hells. But who would remember such detail after one months? :-)

Thanks Aurelie.

że istniejesz

Tuesday, April 17th, 2007

Kiedyś nie popełniałem błędów. Żadnych. Nigdy. Twardo trzymałem się twardych zasad. Było tak przez całkiem długi czas (inni odpuścili sobie wcześniej).

Dziś jestem bogatszy o kilka upadków, pokus, z których skorzystałem. Zasady stały się płynne. Poszedłem ze światem na kompromis i wpasowałem się jakos we współczesne tzw. normy społeczne.

Zostało jednak kilka:
Nie krzywdzić innych, nie wykorzystywać, nie odnosić korzyści kosztem drugiego, nie zdradzać, nie oszukiwać, nie szkodzić, w miarę możliwości pomagać.

Zakładam, że jesteś dobry. Zakładam, że masz dobre intencje. Że kierujesz się takimi samymi zasadami jak ja. Wiem, w dzisiejszych czasach to samobójstwo. Jednak ja naprawdę staram się tak robić. I przepraszam, że czasem widzisz w moich oczach, że nie do końca ci dowierzam. Muszę nad tym jeszcze popracować.

Staram się nie oceniać innych – zbyt wiele razy upadłem. Dlatego toleruję cię, choć twój sposób życia mnie drażni. Jeżeli drażni mnie bardziej, to spotykam się z tobą rzadziej. Staram się nie ucinać znajomości, choć czasem po prostu wstaję i wychodzę, żeby nie powiedzieć ci czegoś przykrego. Nie chcę ciebie zmieniać. Poza tym i tak jesteś na to za stary. Poza tym widzę, że dajesz sobie radę w swoim świecie. Może po prostu twój świat tak bardzo różni się od mojego, że musisz być taki. Nie wiem. Jeśli tak jest, to nie chciałbym być w twojej skórze. Ale jeśli tak nie jest, to masz przechlapane. Zwykle jesteś w stanie sam wybierać swój świat. Więc sam za to odpowiadasz.

Czasem tylko nie radzę sobie z tym jaki jesteś i wtedy zazwyczaj ucinam kontakt. Czasem wyjeżdżam. Czasem palę twoje miasto, bo nie mogę znieść świadomości, że gdzieś na świecie jesteś. Że się uśmiechasz. Że krzywdzisz. Że istniejesz.

once i will stay

Tuesday, April 10th, 2007

“Have you ever felt so freaking strange when you had to move to a new city, to Brussels, or at least to Warsaw? Cause I feel terrible here, I feel like getting on a train and going back.”

I am a person that is afraid to go in alone to a restaurant that I haven’t been to before. I would rather walk 20 minutes to the one I know.

The first weekend I stayed in Brussels was fucking horrible. I was wandering around with not much purpose. On the other hand would I have any purpose anywhere else? No, but at least I would have the comfort of going around the well known paths, killing time in the same places and then sleeping long and curing a hangover.

And then all these wonderful things happened. Great friends, amazing time. Chain reaction came unexpected and which still affects me with smaller and bigger blasts. And I wouldn’t change this experience for anything else. But what if there was no spark and no reaction?

When I really travel I like to leave places behind. Like a one night stand with a place and going forward, forward, forward. No commitments, always a tourist. But how long can you do like that? When comes that moment that you want to see exactly the same sunset again the other day. And when and why at some point you are sick of fucking sunsets?

I still feel like changing places. But how many brand new starts can you have? How many attempts to begin again?

There is too little sunshine and my thoughts are a big mess. Gimme a blanket and lay down aside. Or at least bring me a beer. Or just take me around and show me something new. And bring back the fucking sun. Too much work – my body is actively resisting to take anymore. Time to switch of my toys and start breathing.

the angels get a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right

Monday, April 9th, 2007

Took me just 26 years to understand this – most of the problems – they are not there. You just create them yourself by miscommunication, lack of trust, not believing in somebody’s good intentions, trying to guess what the other person needs instead of just asking about it, lack of self-confidence, going after somebody else’s goals not yours, putting emotions aside, not smiling enough, having your mind disturbed by unimportant thoughts, being fooled with thousands of fake once-in-the-lifetime opportunities, being too stressed up and overreacting, not sharing your feelings when you feel like sharing your feelings… And writing bullshit on your blog perhaps. :D

pas de nouvelles, bonnes nouvelles

Sunday, April 8th, 2007

What can I say? Things just happen. Many and beautiful. They come unpredicted and never go as you planned them. Opportunities and surprises. Lots of surprises.

Acting emotionally not rationally. It’s been so long.

Everybody’s tired of something

Thursday, April 5th, 2007

Today just some forgotten song’s lyrics found on my desktop. Negative emotions that turned into something… fun? Take it easy.

Where the fuck is spring? I want it back. :-)

All those burnt cities

before i left i took you there
to the place where we first met
that coffee place
with the nice walls
i shouted at you
and made you cry
cause this is how we say goodbye
in the land where i come from
and this is right

So this is the time
to say goodbye
no tears are spoiled
no broken hearts
you don’t regret
and you don’t cry
cause you are glad
and you are right

When things get mad
then you just run
You make it easier
you kill your love
you mess things up
prepare them well
to face goodbye

before i left i killed your cat
i put some crap on your walls
i crashed guitar
broke your tv
i wrote this message
on the floor
cause this is how we say goodbye
in the land where i come from
and this is right

before i left i scratched your car
and broke the windows
i took the gas
i burnt it up
i pushed it down
i watched it fall
cause this is how we say goodbye
in the land where i come from
and this is right

before i left i burnt it up
the city you lived in
where you grew up
it was all gone
when you woke up
it was all gone
cause this is how we say goodbye
in the land where i come from
and this is right

wznieśmy chociaż jakiś skromny toast

Monday, April 2nd, 2007

There should be a big big party and all of you should come. We should laugh and drink and dance and then when the sun rises we should go home with big smiles on our faces.

Well – it wasn’t exactly like that, but at least I hope you smiled for me dear friends wherever you are. Cause it’s my birthday. :-)